When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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