I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Good thing I took the morning after pill cuz I pretty much had packaged seamen in me like I was a squirrel saving it for later or something
the thing I didn't realize I would miss about college is that at home you can't just dismiss your sex bruises as drunk accidents
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Randomize
