Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
You may now shotgun with the bride
he told me it was nice to see me not blacked out mumbling to myself in the front seat, I told him it was nice to see him not in handcuffs.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
