I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
But we have bathrooms and they dont
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