I woke up this morning under my fitted sheet and my legs through the sleeves of my sweater.
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
Just rolled over and realized my vodka goggles are not as functional as my beer goggles
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Well you tried to pay for a drink with your keys for one...
i am willing to donate my body to this science experiment when it means free blowjobs
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
I don't think I can get drunk, high or horny enough to even consider that
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
Randomize
