where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
Randomize
