you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
Just got high with dad
Correction: more high. He's sharing gummy bears with me.
Randomize
