um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Randomize
