hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
it's like iHOP with fire
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Randomize
