I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
What not to say at an interview: i can wrap the shit out of some food.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Randomize
