I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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