mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Yea, forget your mom. She will be home after her one night stand.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Probably some sort of karmic revenge for me looking at titties somewhere along the way
and for that you shall suffer
God: I won't strike you down, but I shall introduce your child to Doja Cat during a quarantine
Randomize
