On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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