You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
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