its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
hearing that almost makes me feel good about peeing on the coffee table
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
