i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Well we can add this to the list of 'where the hell did that bruise come from?'
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
