I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
WHY ARE YOU POKING HOLES IN MY 3AM LOGIC?!
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
