We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
Randomize
