Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I hate fucking guys that don't drink coffee. My morning hangover and shame will not be cured by your stupid tea.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
