im getting a BJ in a closet
and a penguin just handed me a bong
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
The car just stinks of weed and we are all sitting here trying to hide it from my mom by rolling down the windows, like it's not coming off my sisters boyfriend
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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