I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Dude it was awful. I woke up with more strippers in my dorm room than those duke lacrosse kids.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
Indoor beer darts at Rafs just turned into a trust exercise of putting your hand on the wall and closing your eyes while the other throws.. Almost gave Cale a Tracheotomy
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize