I thnk I just saw a monkey walking a drunk guy.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
I mean, I thought you would respect me for turning your life around for the better. It seems just yesterday that I found you in a ditch with a cock in your mouth.
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Randomize
