Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
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