So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I'm like 80% sure we nearly got arrested because we threw fireworks at a car
I mean it's like...I'm sorry I slept with your boyfriend but is it my fault that he failed to mention you when I was giving him head in the Dave and Busters bathroom?
There is so much wrong with that sentence
Yeah there really shouldn't be a bar at D&B's...shit gets real
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Is it wrong to want to use the Dark Web to buy Vyvance for legitimate purposes?
Randomize
