Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I just found puke in my bra..
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
