I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Just got a blowjob to the theme of Bohemian Rhapsody as the sun was rising. I should just kill myself because ill never top this moment.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She has the perfect pussy. Looks like a paper cut with a puff of cotton candy on top.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
I just mixed tangerine juice with sauv blanc. on an unrelated note, my episide of intervention is slated to run in April.
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