Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Woke up with two different flip flops on sum burnt at the beach. Who are these French kids plz come back
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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