In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
