your room smells of hookers.
And success
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize