I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
they were drunk. and loud. and now they're drunk and quiet. or dead, you never know.
Randomize
