i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
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