So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
