I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
It doesn't matter how many times you look in your purse, Your keys are not going to be there. Maybe you left them at the bar.
Maybe they fell out of my pocket last night when I rolled down the hill.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
i'm not sure what you are doing right now, but i know that i don't like it. whatever you are doing. just stop. come here so we can fuck
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