hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
Randomize
