Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
As for the 14 hours of vodka. I am all that is man.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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