I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I just got a new temperpedic mattress pad and started smoking weed again in the same week. finding motivation to go to a 9:AM class is close to impossible.
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
So, I'm playing the Doctor Who drinking game with my dogs, but they don't understand quite when to drink. Still counts as successful, though, right?
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Discovery: there is a folder in my pictures labeled "Your Name and cats"
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I found out he hated a girl that I hate so I fucked him. My reasons for fucking guys are getting bad.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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