omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
sorry i couldnt make it to your birthday last night. i admit i chose being a whore over you.
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
