Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
