And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Randomize
