zippers are such a cool invention
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
