is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
