I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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