My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
This taxi driver is not happy I am in drag
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
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