I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
She described it as "a squirrel being hit by a hurricane"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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