dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Those balls look pretty dangerous.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
