so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
Did you pee in the oven last night??
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