I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
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