i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize