Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Six words: 3rd Degree Burn On My Dick
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
