If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
My vagina makes bad decisions like its her job
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Randomize
