Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
I feel like that xmas present negates everything we were taught as little girls. Putting out DOES pay. God bless us everyone
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
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