Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
Mr. Clingalot just ran from our apartment. What the hell?
I started to cry afterward and mumble random things. Examples: "God, please don't make me be so gay anymore" and "my mom is going to be so proud of me for fucking a dude this time." It was that or let him stay the night and cuddle. I mean, fuck that horrible shit I'm a girl that needs her space.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
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