My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
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