names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Currently having to re-watch episodes of Lost that I've only partially seen because you distracted me with your vagina
I just had sex with a man wearing a Darth Vader helmet....he pressed the voice button the whole time that said "I am your father". I don't think I can ever come back from this
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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