What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I think we should go through the tsa checkpoint with raging hardons when we go through LAX. I think we should pass out some viagra to everyone
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I wish I just waited long enough to hate someone to fuck one
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