the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
