cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
thursday was literally the first time i didnt drunk eat since the bush administration and it was only because i was fucking someones boyfriend. making a mental note to do that more often.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize
