What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
