I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
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