okay pat passed out under dana's car
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I don't remember what you did, but I DO remember that i'm supposed to hate you for it.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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