I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
Randomize
