So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
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