you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Michael Bay diarrhea
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
She started puking and I started running and I swear to god there was a wave of vomit chasing me down the stairs.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
im so proud of her that she got shit faced finally. This must be what it feels like to see you kids get their diploma or some shit.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
