I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Dork........ .......... .. . ...... ........... .. . ... ...... .. . .... ..... .. .... ... .......... .... . . ..... Yeah its morse code, no big deal
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
