Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
But seriously, I hug most of my drug dealers.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
Walking towards a police car with full spotlights on you while being fully erect..awkward exp. for both parties
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
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