this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
a strip club that doesn't allow touching or asking for sex... whats the point?
unless her vagina can tell me my horoscope in sign language, I'm not going.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
You threw an open can of pop at me while I was lying on the floor babbling and drooling about how I need to be alone forever, me and my leaking face.
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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