it wasn't lemon gatorade
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
great sex! but now the fight over who sleeps on the wet spot starts.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
STOP acting like a freshman, you have a drivers liscence now AND a PERSCRIPTION for birth control. Dont give all sophmores a bad name. Woman Up
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
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