Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize