There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
yeah. pants. i need to put pants on. i didn't do that last night. big mistake
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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