More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
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