My fucking roommate unpluged my alarm; I pissed on his clean clothes.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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