Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
I haven't been "cry when you eat ben and jerrys" high in a while.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
