is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I haven't been this sober since birth.
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
You need a sexual gate keeper
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I have a tab of a google image search of onion rings open and it is making me so happy.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
