its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
