Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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