We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
Were gonna hotbox in the trunk. I think there's room for another half of a person if you're interested
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
