I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
How did the whale quest end up? I saw u hit a little snag when the first one heard you call her that.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
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