I will die if light touches me.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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