Pls tell me she didnt actually sign a nutsack.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
im laying here in the parking lot drinking a warm coke, prob still drunk, feeling like i need to apologize to everyone i know
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
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