I wish I could teleport
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
Randomize
