I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
