So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I need to start giving them away because owning 20 dildos is never going to get me a boyfriend.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
