who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
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