Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
The day i have a fb album titled " I have become a townie" you can shoot me in the foot and tell me to get my life together
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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