and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
not totally sure where im at but i think i've definitely woken up on this couch before. bong on the coffee table looks familiar. should be able to find my way home
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
