best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
We told you to go get more fire wood and you came running back with a log that was on fire, not drunk at all.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Also... I'm unsure what to do with my face while someone is choking me during sex. Like I feel like its hard to look flattering.
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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