I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Is this like a preordered booty call?
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
