i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
Im so excited to get permanently banned for life from all the old bars again, it is gonna be christmas after all
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Well I just masturbated while reading a recipe for Alfredo sauce so I guess you could say I’m growing up
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Randomize
