Did you ever notice that cashews look like fetuses?
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
it was frightening. in my opinion the only thing that should resemble a vagina is a vagina.
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
There's even glitter on my cock...
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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