I accidentally burped into my bong.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
we will now reference it as "the infamous double dick night"
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
