I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
I got her a Nickelback box set.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize