even iPhones love lady gaga. everytime I type haha it trys to correct it to gaga. this is bullshit...
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
Well call me tomorrow, it's a great story that may lead to me being fired and/or possibly being buried in a shallow grave somewhere out in wine country.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Randomize
