I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I just saw a group of 50+ year old women all wearing shirts that said "drink up, bitches" ...please tell me that can be us some day.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
Randomize
