After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Legit sprained my cooter. No joke. Icing her down as we speak.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize