AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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