your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
Randomize
