I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
So today the police came to my dorm to look for weed, i didn't have any in the room, so i let them in. they apologized for any inconvenience and then left after finding nothing. then i realized i was wearing gauges with weed leaves on them lol
Randomize
