I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Mom said you looked used
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
