Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I pulled my tongue muscle last night. your welcome.
Nothing good has ever or will ever come from 50 cent beers at the bowling alley..
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
Randomize
