one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
Randomize
