your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
40s are totally the cure
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
All I know is I got on a table at late night and sang gotta go my own way
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
If we're going to communicate going forward, you'll need to be versed in Gillian Anderson.
Randomize
