ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
