My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
Randomize
