I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Just desperately used the "it's a boy" cigar I saved from my\nnephews birth to roll a blunt
gettin drunk isnt as much fun when i can use my own id for it
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize
