I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
Randomize
